OK....do not play unless your humor is juvenile, and you may be offended. Just warning you!!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Woman Types, in Fair Play!
Yesterday, we covered the dating types of men. Now, in the interest of equal play, it's the fairer sex's turn. Again, true life is a combination of negative and positive character traits, so mix n' match.
The worst combo? A Tie.
The Evil One/The Fighter, against The Succubis/Crier. The first will beat you up before goes demon on you. The second will drain your bank account and make you feel responsible.
1. The Wedding Planner
She's the type that measures the windows in your flat for new drapes. (if you have any?). Think a short romance, then down to business of wedding planning.
2. The Fighter
And I don't mean boxing. She's the type that is defensive, cagy, and most likely has no patience for a poor dating performance. Her way or the highway.
3. The Crier.
She's the one that will cry over innocent stuff...a slipped comment, an unknown innuendo. Overly emotional, and will cry when happy, sad, or changing a light bulb.
4. The Stripper
She the one that loves to dress provacatively, and loves to flaunt herself. The flirter. Of course, if she dresses like it's still the 80's with a body from today, it's really sad.
5. The Sad Sack
Loves to think negative. Will find a downside to everything. Overly cautious. Will suck the life out of a watermelon.
6. The Talker.
Loves the gab. Can't get enough of the gab. Verbal Diarrhea. Talks during movies. Phone bills through the roof.
7. The Succubis
Sucks you dry financially. Loves to spend your money any way she can. Gets upset when your ATM is out of cash.
8. The No Talker
Hates the gab. Can't get enough of the silence. Has no communication skills. What more can you say?
9. The Walking Freak Show
Overly anxious. Can't make a decision. When she does make a decision, she has doubts about that decision. Yes means no a second later. Up one week means down the next.
10. The Evil One.
Maniacal. The type that six weeks after you break up, she scratches your new truck. Loves to torment. Do NOT get any bunnies.
Gratuitous nod to http://www.Wapenzi.com
The worst combo? A Tie.
The Evil One/The Fighter, against The Succubis/Crier. The first will beat you up before goes demon on you. The second will drain your bank account and make you feel responsible.
1. The Wedding Planner
She's the type that measures the windows in your flat for new drapes. (if you have any?). Think a short romance, then down to business of wedding planning.
2. The Fighter
And I don't mean boxing. She's the type that is defensive, cagy, and most likely has no patience for a poor dating performance. Her way or the highway.
3. The Crier.
She's the one that will cry over innocent stuff...a slipped comment, an unknown innuendo. Overly emotional, and will cry when happy, sad, or changing a light bulb.
4. The Stripper
She the one that loves to dress provacatively, and loves to flaunt herself. The flirter. Of course, if she dresses like it's still the 80's with a body from today, it's really sad.
5. The Sad Sack
Loves to think negative. Will find a downside to everything. Overly cautious. Will suck the life out of a watermelon.
6. The Talker.
Loves the gab. Can't get enough of the gab. Verbal Diarrhea. Talks during movies. Phone bills through the roof.
7. The Succubis
Sucks you dry financially. Loves to spend your money any way she can. Gets upset when your ATM is out of cash.
8. The No Talker
Hates the gab. Can't get enough of the silence. Has no communication skills. What more can you say?
9. The Walking Freak Show
Overly anxious. Can't make a decision. When she does make a decision, she has doubts about that decision. Yes means no a second later. Up one week means down the next.
10. The Evil One.
Maniacal. The type that six weeks after you break up, she scratches your new truck. Loves to torment. Do NOT get any bunnies.
Gratuitous nod to http://www.Wapenzi.com
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Man Types
When dating, have you found yourself categorizing men by these types? Of course, all men are deeper than first impressions. But first dates could lead you to these stereotypes. Most guys are a combination taking good and bad qualities from several guy types. Mix and match!
The worst combo? my vote for the Svengali and the Suavinator. Women, you have no chance with this one.
1. The Sports Guy
You know him. Lost on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Can't find him during March Madness, or the world series, or that February day. Usually an ex jock who still identifies with past glories, or an over obsessed fan.
2. The Middle Earth Guy
Frodo lives. Still plays D and D. Can't get enough of Star Trek, Star Wars, Angel, or Buffy. Dresses up for Holloween.
3. The Factoid Guy
Loves statistics. Super careful. The accountant type. Loves math. Balances his checkbook.
4. The Sales Guy
Rah-Rah. Over enthusiastic to a fault. Never gives up to close the deal. Can't take no. Always goes the one more.
5. The Suavinater
Think Barney from that CBS show (HIMYM). The martini. The champagne. The chocolates. Roses. Vegas. The lounge lizard. Knows how to succeed in dating without really trying.
6. The Svengali (see below!)
Controlling, manipulative. Has a way of getting his way.
7. The GI Joe
Never fear, Underdog is here! Ex or current military, police, or fireman. Knows how to keep his cool in an emergency.
8. The Cool Dude
Ski bum. Surfer guy. Snowboarder deluxe. Loves the cool stuff of the moment. Nature guy.
9. The Slacker
Lives with his mother. Dead end job. Lacks initiative.
10. The Nervous Nellie
Worries about everything. Anal retentive. Obsessive. Felix Unger. John Cryer's character from Two and a Half Men.
Gratuitous node to http://www.Wapenzi.com
The worst combo? my vote for the Svengali and the Suavinator. Women, you have no chance with this one.
1. The Sports Guy
You know him. Lost on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Can't find him during March Madness, or the world series, or that February day. Usually an ex jock who still identifies with past glories, or an over obsessed fan.
2. The Middle Earth Guy
Frodo lives. Still plays D and D. Can't get enough of Star Trek, Star Wars, Angel, or Buffy. Dresses up for Holloween.
3. The Factoid Guy
Loves statistics. Super careful. The accountant type. Loves math. Balances his checkbook.
4. The Sales Guy
Rah-Rah. Over enthusiastic to a fault. Never gives up to close the deal. Can't take no. Always goes the one more.
5. The Suavinater
Think Barney from that CBS show (HIMYM). The martini. The champagne. The chocolates. Roses. Vegas. The lounge lizard. Knows how to succeed in dating without really trying.
6. The Svengali (see below!)
Controlling, manipulative. Has a way of getting his way.
7. The GI Joe
Never fear, Underdog is here! Ex or current military, police, or fireman. Knows how to keep his cool in an emergency.
8. The Cool Dude
Ski bum. Surfer guy. Snowboarder deluxe. Loves the cool stuff of the moment. Nature guy.
9. The Slacker
Lives with his mother. Dead end job. Lacks initiative.
10. The Nervous Nellie
Worries about everything. Anal retentive. Obsessive. Felix Unger. John Cryer's character from Two and a Half Men.
Gratuitous node to http://www.Wapenzi.com
Friday, October 17, 2008
Svengali anyone? Word o' the day
Svengali.
From dictionary.com : a person who completely dominates another, usually with selfish or sinister motives. (Origin: 1940–45; after the evil hypnotist of the same name in the novel Trilby (1894) by George Du Maurier)
We've heard the word, but does hypnotistic seduction really work? (Usually a svengali is a male, but what's the female equivelent? Svengala?) There is a modern type of svengali-like seduction. It's based on these pheromone enhanced applied scents that make women fall for even the geekiest, 98 pound male. Has anyone ever used these things? Perhaps this really stems from those swirly glasses advertised on the back of comic books.
How about those books where men are guaranteed to capture any women they want in 10 easy lessons for only $99.99? Order today and we'll throw in mysterio glasses and fetching pheromones for free.
Gratuitous note? Please check out http://www.Wapenzi.com
From dictionary.com : a person who completely dominates another, usually with selfish or sinister motives. (Origin: 1940–45; after the evil hypnotist of the same name in the novel Trilby (1894) by George Du Maurier)
We've heard the word, but does hypnotistic seduction really work? (Usually a svengali is a male, but what's the female equivelent? Svengala?) There is a modern type of svengali-like seduction. It's based on these pheromone enhanced applied scents that make women fall for even the geekiest, 98 pound male. Has anyone ever used these things? Perhaps this really stems from those swirly glasses advertised on the back of comic books.
How about those books where men are guaranteed to capture any women they want in 10 easy lessons for only $99.99? Order today and we'll throw in mysterio glasses and fetching pheromones for free.
Gratuitous note? Please check out http://www.Wapenzi.com
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Top 10 Worst Pick-up Lines
Can anyone top these top pick-up lines?
10. I must be seeing things, or else I'm dreaming of you?
9. Hi, some call me Ray, but I'll call you sunshine.
8. It's stormy outside. How about I light your fire?
7. Let me buy you a drink and I will help you sip?
6. Call me a sherpa so I can climb your mountains.
5. I'm not so sheepish that you can't shave my wool.
4. There's no business like your business that I'd like to know?
3. You know, I say the caboose is the best looking car in your train.
2. I'd like my sausage to meet your cannoli.
and the top (or bottom) of this list is:
1. You look like an ice cream sundae that I'd like to eat.
Gratuitous note? Please chack out http://www.Wapenzi.com
10. I must be seeing things, or else I'm dreaming of you?
9. Hi, some call me Ray, but I'll call you sunshine.
8. It's stormy outside. How about I light your fire?
7. Let me buy you a drink and I will help you sip?
6. Call me a sherpa so I can climb your mountains.
5. I'm not so sheepish that you can't shave my wool.
4. There's no business like your business that I'd like to know?
3. You know, I say the caboose is the best looking car in your train.
2. I'd like my sausage to meet your cannoli.
and the top (or bottom) of this list is:
1. You look like an ice cream sundae that I'd like to eat.
Gratuitous note? Please chack out http://www.Wapenzi.com
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Is this the worst date ever recorded?
With proper credit due to http://story-speaks.blogspot.com/2007/12/first-date-humor.html :
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving backdown the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside theroad, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing natureof the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of theicy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the firstplace, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissedoff".
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Gratuitous Note: Please check out http://www.Wapenzi.com
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving backdown the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside theroad, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing natureof the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of theicy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the firstplace, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissedoff".
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Gratuitous Note: Please check out http://www.Wapenzi.com
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